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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Bad day

. . . . STATUS
Mood : =( 

Today is indeed not a happy day for me. Everything turned out to be rotten and sucks.

Firstly, I was being teased by one same fellow about flabby tummy. I don't care if that is a joke but I perceive that as offensive. When you say it once, I will forgive you; but if you say it twice or thrice or more, I will feel like strangling you or get some shit to shut you up. I can take jokes but certain jokes are just beyond my limit and I really don't like it. It is not that I am not being sporting or what but I just don't like it. I hate it, OK?

I really hope that my this new classmate will not repeat what he did today again. I dare not bet I will keep calm and quiet again. Please just don't make me yell at you because I don't want to. I don't want to be offended and please watch your words. Why would you like to hurt one when he/she obviously telling you that he/she doesn't like it/feel offended? It is not funny you know? It really is not. Grr..

Due to this matter, I was unhappy. You may say I am petty but whatsoever. This is me, like it or not, I repeat, this is me. Everybody gets angry for a reason and everybody has certain times when they will get angry because of certain reasons. So, you can't tell me that no, I shouldn't feel angry because this is just a small matter and bla- You have your perception on the degree of seriousness of a particular thing but to me, when I say I feel offended/sad, I seriously am. It is me, I am the one who felt the sadness and I am sad in conclusion. It is just silly to tell me that it is a small matter and blaaa-

I promised myself not to write too much unhappy things here.. Damn it, here I am writing all these again.. Nobody enjoys reading sad things nor listening to sad stuff but come on.. I need a break, I need to voice out myself, I need to express.. = ( You may stop yourself from further reading if you are that kind of person who can't stand reading/listening to emotional/negative stuff. You may leave. I am polite. Bye.

I used to be a dependent person. I was and maybe I am still a little now.. I admit that I couldn't get used to the new environment of which I am in now for a couple of weeks last time. I got really down and wondering a lot of things. I am afraid that I can't suit myself well, I don't know how to mix along with people whom I never really interact with last time, I can't stand on my own feet at a new environment starting all over again (not exactly..) and many more.. I have many worries and hesitation last time, true enough, but I am working hard on improving my mind set. I am telling myself very often to be positive, cheerful, know new people, get out from the stupid circle where it only fits two people and learn to socialize with different people, be tough, strong, don't cry even if I fall and nobody is there to grab me anymore..

I am quite pessimistic previously before the first semester started. I think things in really the negative point of view. I am a person who worries a lot, if you know me good enough. However, I will feel much relief and happy when I release all my loads by getting a kind listener to listen to my rumblings.

All those are what I was before the semester started. I am now a brand new me, no longer that fully dependent on only a boyfriend who coincidentally is my classmate. I am learning to get out from the duet circle and inhabiting a new lifestyle. I am working on it and people see it. I'm glad really that Lieya noticed my changes. I did changed.. I am not that extremely passive now. At the very least, I don't complain about this issue anymore, not as frequent as I used to like last time (at least).

I am a person who can't keep problems to myself. Most girls are like that (those girls that I know).. I don't bother how other girls are actually, but I am perfectly clear about what kind of person I am. I am who I am, I am myself, I am like that. It's not a matter of "why don't you change for the sake of...". There are certain things in life which involves principles and stuff, you simply can't change them just like that- It is embedded in me and it is just me, the original me..

I am a loner, I get lonely easily, I am afraid of loneliness: these are true. However, I won't die because of loneliness. I will learn to get used to the environment and stand up strongly. A loner needs a listener.

I consider myself to be a typical girl who feels emotionally better after sharing their problems to a listener. I am quite a stubborn person. Along with my stubbornness, my listener has to be somebody who is patient enough and not easily getting frustrated because I don't listen to them easily and accordingly. I just need time and repeatedly consoles and advices.. I will be OK, really.. If you can give me more time and patience.

I couldn't find much genuine friends over here. I feel really bad sometimes when I'm sad. I always recalled about Zi Yi and Jessica and the times when I used to have them to be my loyal listeners. Although they cannot be there all the times for me, they simply have their ways of comforting my little worn heart. A loner can't survive without friends too. However, I need true friends and it's hard to find, especially one that understands you. Sob.. I miss them and I miss home. Living outside alone is tough. Gotta face everything myself when nobody is bothered to pause a little longer to ask, "hey, are you okay?" And even if they do, it will not be long because everybody, especially new friends who don't really understand you well enough, they are not patient in dealing with an emotional person, like me.

All in all, I had a bad day for today and I am looking forward for a brighter tomorrow. I hope that I can forget all the unhappy words that I have heard today and start anew tomorrow. It's heart breaking to recollect those hurtful words that people deliberately say to you. I don't know what their intention is but no matter what it is, I know I shouldn't let myself get defeated by any of your words.

Be happy soon Lydia as today is not the end of everything yet. You still have tomorrow and many more tomorrows to come. Cheers and good night everybody.


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