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Friday, April 01, 2011

4 happy and sad stories for this week.

. . . . S T A T U S 
Mood : refreshing 

Hello everyone!

This whole week was really devastating for me. My body was extremely exhausted throughout this whole long week because I did not allow it to rest properly. I had limited hours of sleep every night and that really drained me up. I had 3 hours of good nap this afternoon after having a pillow talk with my roommate. With worries and all sorts of unspeakable frustrations, I brought them all to my dream--- Deng, deng, deng, -dream mode-

Anyway, back to the reality. In this long week, I had been through a few things. There were some awesome ones and of course some which were really so bad that I really feel like screaming to the world and ask them WHY they do this to me. = / Anyway, it's all over. Let's see we shall talk what first..

It was finally my turn after waiting for so long. Ha- I was actually quite nervous that day. And when I am nervous, I tend to go out of words and everything will be messed up. Don't ask me why am I still feeling so nervous to speak in front of my classmates. Sometimes, my blood simply pumps too fast into my brain and it doesn't come down but stays there. That causes me to be panic. Anyway, that day it was the usual before-starting-Sahsiah-class ceremony. We were asked to come out to speak on 3 stuff: be thankful of? Strengths and weaknesses. I was happy because I finally had a chance to voice out to my peers about my true self. I was actually hoping that my friends would be able to understand me better in future and that can improve my relationship with them. I really thought so at first.. = / I thought that they could accept me the way I am. I may be different from anybody that you know, odd or unusual you wanna name it; but I regard myself as a genuine person. I do not want to make much comments here but all I can say is that, I am a person who you cannot judge like judging a book by its cover. I don't know if my objective for that day has achieved but that was my hope. I really thought that maybe I could open up my heart and get some really good friends here but..

I was elected to be the chairperson for Bengkel Pembangunan Sahsiah. The process was really thrilling and tiring. It was my first experience to hold this high post. It was a good and valuable experience. I learnt many things of course. There were still many areas which I think I need to improve in: administration and protocol, communication and so forth. For my first attempt, I think I am not too bad but of course there were still places that I need to improve. It was really a challenge for me to try something new and different.

Everything went on well at first. I tried my very best to do what I can do as the chairperson. Due to lack of experience, there were certain things which I was not clear about. However, I made my best effort to ask and think of what were the possible things I need to do. I am sorry if throughout the preparation I have done any mistakes or what- I am still very new to this kind of organizing stuff.

That day, I had a combination of mixed feelings: anger, frustration, pain, sad, speechless, disappointed.

-I will talk more on this when I get the photos-

I am a sensitive person. I get offended easily. I feel sad easily too. However, these have nothing to do with whether I can listen to people's critiques and comments about me. You can critique me or comment anything about me but bear in mind to use more polite words.  Usually, I will think back what people said about me. I will think whether what they said is true. Sometimes I will agree and sometimes I don't.

Frankly speaking, I was actually quite upset and disappointed that day. I felt offended and a little insulted to be critique in public that way. Maybe it was because before that, I told myself to open up my heart to accept my new friends but in the end, what I got were all hurtful and blunt words. Maybe to you people, those were really your truthful comments that ought to help me to change myself; but to think about it again, they were really quite blunt and hurtful, don't you think so? Maybe you don't but everybody responds differently.

I know I am not a really perfect and all rounded person. However, I think I am special. Everybody has their shortcomings and you cannot expect them to be everybody's favourite friend. It is true that not everybody likes me and vice versa, there are some people whom I don't like as well.

I have thought about this incident a few days. I have come to a conclusion that...

  1. If a person dislikes you or have prejudice on you, no matter what still, they will not say something pleasant about you. 
  2. If a person is not your close friend but just an ordinary classmate, what and why you should expect an accurate perception about yourself from them?  

What they said may be true that is: not everybody can accept the way I be friend with them.
True enough. This is related to "I cannot be friend with everybody" There are some people in this world, whom you really just can't click with them. There's no point forcing yourself or that person if that's the case. Perhaps becoming strangers or hi-bye friends will be much more better for both. I am happy and so you are.

A few months ago when I have finally took up the courage to show my true self to everybody, I told myself that people would realize it. However, now the results have proven to be exactly opposite from what I anticipate it to be. I felt really stupid anyway. Naive maybe. Never mind, I think I will be happier if I just stick on to my old principle: If I am happy living this way, I will continue. I don't live to satisfy the world's demands.

You may not like me because of my personality but trust me, I wouldn't like you that much too. You don't have to purposely split harsh words to condemn a person. Be a more educated person; leave if you think you can't communicate well with that person. There's no gain or lose that way. Constructive comments about ourselves are good but then it all depends who is the speaker. I really don't need a person who doesn't know me well to critique about me. You really know nothing about me.

What I really detest about some people in this world is that: They are not that good either but they LOVE to critique others. They gave me a feeling like they feel that they are awesomely superior. = / Puke.

Anyway, all I wanted to say is that, I will change if what they said is true. I am happier to be my old self. So, say hello to the old me again. XD

I don't live to satisfy the world's demands. 
Just back off if you think I don't qualify to be your friend because to me, having or without you makes no difference to my life. 

I believe that in this wide world, there are people who are able to understand me and know me well, that are worth to be my good friends.. I always believe that.. 

In this world, there are 3 types of friends:

  1. + A friend who will stand by your side and speak for you when you are having trouble. 
  2. neutral A friend who will not help nor do any harm to you. 
  3. - A friend who will condemn you worse than a piece of shit when you are in trouble. 
At here, I only have type number 2 and 3 friends. = / Sad? Not really. Cuz I have Ziyi and Jessica. They are absolutely my number 1 friends. XD I should not be greedy cuz I already have 2 awesome best friends in the world. 

Let's not talk about the sad stuff. Let's talk something happier. = /  I really hate to feel sad. = ( Humph..

RM 40 + RM 60 (kain) baju kebaya.

So happy to see those positive comments on my FB after posting this photo. XD hehehehe.. 



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