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Saturday, May 21, 2011

I have learned not to speak my sadness to anybody

. . . S T A T U S
Mood : awful

From today onwards, I cannot watch videos as fast and as much as I like before.

I feel a big hole on my chest but ridiculously I don't know where the hole is. It hurts once in a while. Sometimes, the pain is bearable and sometimes not. Keeping silent and chill down make me feel better but sometimes they are also useless. I don't have medication for this. Myself is the cure.

I wish I can smile and tell the whole world I am alright no matter how many of them are pointing against me. It is just sometimes that I feel so weak and unable to smile at all. I feel like hiding but when I am caught, I get slaughtered alive. I am also blamed.

I already learn not to cry because I really hate how it feels after crying. The feeling is as bad as before crying. Crying only helps to make me feel relief for like a few hours. Then, I need to face the consequence of such comfort. Don't worth it, I think.

I begin to feel ignorant and reluctant towards everything. You say I am selfish, I say I am numb. Scold me if you want to. Blame me if you want to. I am not doing anything.

If only anybody understands what I have written above, I thank you gratefully in my heart. 
Cuz you know me.

Goodbye to the world.


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