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Sunday, June 24, 2012


. . . .  S T A T U S
Mood: cannot-sleep---

I can't sleep.. It's because I'm too happy.. of what? Something which I myself cannot determine whether its really worth feeling happy about.

I always find making decisions very difficult.. I was running away from making a decision since last week. The reason is because I couldn't think of a reason to convince myself to do so. I always think half way and my thoughts are chopped away somehow. I just dare not, maybe, to think further-- because I don't want to feel disappointed.

Finally, I made my decision while lying on the bed. The reason why I finally decided to make such decision is I thought of how fantasy it'll look like if I decide to have it.  From there, my fantasy begins-- it flies all over-- I feel like I'm totally indulged in the fairyland-- It's all fictional but I just love being in there.. Everything pleases me the way I want them to be. Nothing upsets me. Everything is surprise and non-stop of happiness flushing towards me. And, I'm all filled with love by someone. I was just so drowsy and unconscious with this sweet dream..

Awaiting for a call to share this happiness of fantasy. I know it's fantasy. It's not real. It's still worth being happy about.. In the end.. I was told, the fantasy causes miseries to others and I was asked to put an end to it. Perhaps, what this person said is true.. My fantasy brings unlimited happiness to me but not to some others..

It's just so difficult to please someone who chooses to hate you at the very first start.. No matter what you do, you'll still be labelled as 'bad' in their eyes. Not to say I have given up.. I just feel tired sometimes.. And that's when my fantasy flies in.. My hope fills my heart.. Then, I lose my balance of rationalism. I forget that, everything is just a fantasy dream.. When I wake up from my own fictional world, I need to face the truth that, it's still a hard solid truth..

I can't sleep.

I'm tired. My head hurts, somewhere..

I want to sleep..

Can this fantasy stop spinning in my head?
I need rest..
I need a break..
From all these fantasies..

Forcing a smile to sleep.. 
Good Night. 


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